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Wednesday, June 30th, 2010

    Time Event
    12:25a
    I was never confused I was smiling in the dark...
    I was never
    confused
    I was smiling in the dark now“And Jared isn't you
    His voice was tighter when he answered“But he's still Jared
    Ian was jealous again? I shouldn't have been pleased by negative emotions, but I had to admit
    this was encouraging
    “Jared is my past, another life
    He was quiet for a momentWhen he spoke again, his voice was rough with emotion“And
    your future, if you want that
    And then he kissed me in the most unplatonic way possible under the crowded circumstances,
    and I was thrilled to remember that I'd been smart enough to lie about my age
    The rains would end, and when they did, Ian and I would be together, partners in the truest
    senseThis was a promise and an obligation I had never had in all my livesThinking of it made
    me feel joyful and anxious and shy and desperately impatient all at the same time–made me
    feelhuman saddle handbags
    After all this had been settled, Ian and I were more inseparable than everSo when it came time
    for me to test my new face on the other souls, of course he went with me
    This raid was a relief for me after long weeks of frustrationIt was bad enough that my new
    body was weak and nearly useless in the caves; I couldn't believe it when the others didn't want
    to let me use my body for the one thing it was perfect for
    Jared had specifically approved of Jamie's choice because of this guileless, vulnerable face that
    no one could ever doubt, this delicate build that anyone would be motivated to protect, but even
    he had a hard time putting his theory into practiceI was sure raiding would be every bit as easy
    for me now as it had been before, but Jared, Jeb, Ian, and the others–everyone but Jamie and
    Mel–debated for days, trying to find a way around using chanel white purse me for that
    I saw them eyeing Sunny, but she was still unproven, not trustedOn top of that, Sunny had
    absolutely no intention of setting one foot outsideThe very wordraid had her cowering in
    terrorKyle would not go out with us; Sunny had gone hysterical the one time he'd mentioned it
    In the end, practicality had won out
    It was good to be needed
    Supplies had been dwindling; this would be a long, thorough tripJared was leading the raid, as
    usual, so it went without saying that Melanie was includedAaron and Brandt volunteered, not
    that we really needed the muscle; they were tired of being cooped up
    We were going far to the north, and I was excited to see the new places–to feel the cold again
    Excitement got a bit out of hand in this bodyI was bouncy and hyper the night we drove to the
    rock slide where the van and the big moving truck were hiddenIan dior saddle was laughing at me because
    I could hardly hold still as we loaded the clothes and sundries we would need into the vanHe
    held my hand, he said, to tether me to the surface of the planet
    Was I too loud? Too oblivious to my surroundings? No, of course that was not itThere was
    nothing I could have doneThis was a trap, and it was too late for us the minute we arrived
    We froze when the thin beams of light shot out of the darkness into Jared's and Melanie's faces
    My face, my eyes, the ones that might have helped us, stayed obscured, hidden in the shadow
    made by Ian's wide back
    My eyes were not blinded by the glare, and the moon was bright enough for me to clearly see
    the Seekers that outnumbered us, eight to our sixBright enough for me to see the way they
    held their hands, to see the weapons that glinted in them, raised and pointed at usPointed chanel handbags collection at
    Jared and Mel, at Brandt and Aaron–our only gun still undrawn–and one centered dead on Ian's
    chest
    Why had I let him come with me? Why did he have to die, too? Lily's bewildered questions
    echoed in my head:Why did life and love go on? What was the point?
    My fragile little heart shattered into a million pieces, and I fumbled for the pill in my pocket
    “Steady, now, everybody just keep calm,” the man in the center of the group of Seekers called
    out“Wait, wait, don't beswallowing anything! Jeez, get a grip! No, look!”
    The man turned the flashlight on his own face
    His face was sun browned and craggy, like a rock that had been eroded by the windHis hair
    was dark, with white at the temples, and it curled in a bushy mess around his earsAnd his
    eyes–his eyes were dark brownJust dark brown, nothing more“Okay, now, you don't shoot us, and we won't shoot christian dior saddle

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